Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends and family step into new adventures with their lives. Whether its new careers, pregnancy, marriage, re-locating. It’s an exciting time in their lives. I can’t help but compare my life to theirs. And it’s sad that I do because it’s not fair. But my life has become a little slow. Just working at Starbucks still. I don’t want to work there forever. It was just supposed to be temporary. I’ve been there for a year and a half now. I keep having visions and dreams of the same thing over and over. It’s this: I am well known among only a couple thousand people, for creating something or doing something on my own that others benefit, yet I have no idea what the hell it is. I keep praying to God that he will reveal it to me in His time, I just hope it’s soon, because I am getting anxious I knowing what it could be. So here’s to the future. Here’s to not growing jealous or envious of others lives. Instead, be happy for them and support them along the way. For my time will come soon and I want those people to support me and be happy for them, as I have been for them.
I just want a really romantic day and/or night. Pulled that feeling from the depths of my heart, but it’s what I want so badly. I will gladly wait patiently.
Tonight, I closed my eyes
And my mind is painting pictures
Oh how it wonders your smile
In the moonlight
Your eyes how they see inside
The deepest part of me
Tell me, tell me, tell me
Tell me this isn’t just a dream
The warmth of your hand on my skin
Tell me, tell me
Tell me your secrets
Tell me, I’m everything you need
You’re my fantasy
Quiet now, my heart it beats so loud
It rushes into motion,
As you come closer
Your voice in my ear
Is the sweetest thing I hear
You’re so lovely my dear
Tell me, tell me
Tell me, I’m everything you need,
Tell me I’m you’re fantasy
Tell me, tell me….
“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own”
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Kindness, generous, compassion, happiness, etc… the list goes on. those feelings are feelings I know how to give, but have no idea on how to recieve. I’d like to think I have a giving heart. I love doing things for people just to see them smile, make their day better. Even if its a task that may take a long while to accomplish. I like to do it with the kindness of my heart that God has given me. You’d think that since I like doing that for others, I wouldn’t have any trouble, when people do things for me. However, in my reality I struggle with it greatly. I tend to get emotionless. I’m not used to people doing such nice things for me. I’m used to doing things myself. Today, Joel and his best friend have been working hours in the heat to take a dent out of the car I bought a few weeks. (Yes it had a dent in it when I bought it, but I didn’t care that much.) But it is like 100 degrees outside and they popped the dent back out so its normal and now they are working on the outer layer. I feel so happy and so incredibly thankful to have this done, but I have trouble outwardly expressing it. Its easy to write it out like this, but it should be easy to just express it on my face and actions. Joel told me “you have to get used to me taking care of you.” I agree. I just am used to doing things on my own with no help. Now I’m sitting in the air conditioned house, writing this. But as I’m wrapping this up, it’s helping me think of how I can change….
THANK YOU JOEL AND JOHN FOR ALL OF YOUR INSANE HARD WORK TODAY. YOU GUYS RULE SO HARD AND I FEEL FOREVER GRATEFUL!
My boyfriend has my phone. And is taking over the world.
Well tumblr. You’ve won…..again. But who knows for how long this time. I’m back. Going to try my best updating with pointless posts! Ha
the pic above describes what this week will be like with Joely:) we are going to Disneyland for two days, San Diego all four days, then revisiting the music school we are both interested in!! Super duper stoked!!!
I’ve been craving to get my lip repierced or getting my nose pierced but can’t cause of working at Starbucks….it’s such a shame!
Oh well….one day. I will do it!
Until next time,
The holy spirit has a great power in us. It leads us places; never astray. It controls our decisions and creates our way into the future. It gives us feelings of good and bad things that come in contact with us.
But when it gives that burning feel in the pit of your stomach, you know something isn’t right. The spirit is pounding on your heart saying “do something!!! Don’t ignore me! Take action” well when it tells me that, it’s pretty freaking scary, but you must obey it. Whether you or another person might get hurt, it must be the right thing to do. The holy spirit comes from God. Perfect Righteous. We strive to be righteous and perfect just as Jesus, the Son of God is, so we must listen to the pounding of the spirit.
.its time to take action.
I like to go above and beyond, out of my way for people. I know who I’m doing it for appreciates it and makes me happy, when I see them happy. Once in awhile I’d like the favor in return. Most of the time I’m a people pleaser. Which can be very bad sometimes. I like to see only good in people. Always like to assume the best. But that can result in being let down time after time, because I keep such high expectations of others. I feel like this is happening a lot around me, with people who are close to me, that I care for so dearly. It irritates me from time to time. But it gives me reason to believe that I need to have no expectations, but I think if I did that, I’ll get let down in some way. It’s almost a never ending cycle. I’m not trying to point and fingers, but it happens with just about everyone I’m close with.
Maybe it’s just me.
I’ll end this rant for now. Had to share what’s been on my heart recently….
there is a fever in my soul for You, only Your presence will heal. only Your love will bridge the gap of apathy I have created. only Your truth is the cure.
Nothing more real than that.